I knew the moment I met you. I don't know how I can sense these things; though it is a subject I've spent volumes of time introspecting upon. Discuss it with me, if you will. It's a subject that fascinates me relentlessly! I nearly always can tell, though, within moments sometimes; it's tug is the pull of a winch, from the core of me straight to the core of you. The line as clear to me as the scent trails hunting dogs "see." A magnetic attraction that is so prevalent, virtually no distance is insurpassable for it to continue in its effect. A pulling so strong, seemingly random events would conspire; fates would weave; and clues that seem minor coincidences upon first glance would begin to collect into doubtful numbers; and there would be no stopping the flows of energies from merging.
Oh I know that you will look upon me with softly laughing eyes; enjoying what you sense as childish belief in me. Psychics and astrologers, you will smirk as you look at my convinced eyes. I know that you will say that we chose our own paths, and that I follow the path as I choose, or as I allow it to be chosen for me. You will perhaps never believe that I sense what will be; or more precisely, what could be, and what must be. For you, it is a choice, perhaps, manifested in desire, a case of self-fufilling prophecy; but for me, lover, it is a drive deeper than any other I can compare. It's not simple desire, though it is that as well. For now it simply is, and there could be no other way.
You will think me lofty, soft, and unfinished; incomplete, yet charming and endearing. You will think me perhaps too humble, and you will invariably add to the opinions you form to think me insecure, and in some ways, perhaps I even intend it to be so. In some ways you will be correct. If you are wise, you will see that I am neither weak nor nearly as insecure as I may initially appear. I will use an intricately woven blanket of artistic insecurity to buy myself time, learning you, learning me inside of you. I will use a faked yet innocent shyness while I discover your youness. I have become very good at avoiding doing or saying anything which might cause the real ego of me to be placed in any danger; that is, until the payoff is anticipated to be greater than the risk. I value the risk as much as the gain, though; the loss is as acceptable as a gain.
Yes, I walk the edge of every height, and feel it's not only absoultely appropriate to fall more than occasionally, I feel it's vital. One that does not burn can not progress. The highs and lows are equally gratifying--one could not be without the other, and neither can be greater than the other. I will push the limits of the life in me until I die, or die when I quit pushing them, whichever may befall. I will attempt to suck the most of every monment, every interaction, and I will savor it, and move on, bettering it until it is perfection.
Oh I will jump in with both feet, and I will do so with seeming blind faith; I do not need to check the depth of the water, my love, because I've already decided to jump--even more, I am not choosing it--it has chosen me. You may think it's blind, but I am convinced that I see more clearly than most, while allowing that I don't see nearly as clearly as many. My eye, a window from which the focus, if not clear, is nearly always aestheticly aligned.
So it is from this point I stand, in a nebulous undefined space of past, present, and future; energy entwining and magnetic forces undeniably drawing together. I have known you before, and I shall know you again. It has already begun, and it will not be denied. I do not worry the nature of time, of pleasure, of pain, of cycles. I simply bask in The Euphoria of Anticipation.
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