Hot wet tears slide slowly down my cheeks
my stomache turns and the ache overtakes me
sobbing choked breaths sustain me through eternity
blinding headache stabs at me, squeezing my brain
amplifying pain
I can barely pull myself together to answer the phone
and it washes right over me again the moment I hang up

I had this plan, these ideas, these hopes about the future
I had this idea of us and the memories we haven't made together yet
I had this whole magic life we ...
we ...
we ...won't be living together, I guess.

Cried over the ache of you so many times over so many years.
Said goodbye so many times.
It was never for long, never like this. So far away.
So silent. So distant. So over. So done.

So all the tears fall and just when I think I've pulled it together, then they start all over again.
You must not have known what I gave to you,
I hardly knew myself till now,
my whole heart and my whole soul,
Maybe you just didn't know?